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Battling Depression, depression, Health, Kindness, Mental Health, overcoming depression

K Is For Kindness Towards Yourself!

Random Acts of Kindness Barnstar

There was a time when I loved myself unconditionally, and although I never claimed to be perfect I was happy with who I was. All that changed when I became depressed, for the first time I hated myself. Hated the fact that most days I couldn’t get out of bed, hated myself for being, as I perceived it, pathetic.

It took me a long time to get over that hatred and learn to love myself again just the way I was. One of the reasons was because I could clearly remember who I once was, and I missed that person with every inch of my being. All I wanted was to get back to my old self, reclaim my life and carry on. Like that had worked so well for me!

Then one day I realised that the old me, the twenty-year-old me, the impatient me, the charge ahead regardless me, was gone forever. Not because of my illness but because I was no longer twenty. From that moment, I started the journey of discovering who the forty-year-old me was like.

I learnt to accept that change was just that and more often than not was for the best. Once I’d grieved for the twenty-year-old me and accepted that the thirty-year-old me had battled with the dark side, I set about loving the forty-year-old me. After all she wasn’t so bad, she was wiser, more patient and far more in tune with herself.

So please be kind and gentler with yourself. There is only one you, and you can’t really expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself!


About D.J. Haswell

I battled with depression, brought on by stress, for 10 years. During that time, I made many mistakes, due in no small part to the fact that I perceived my illness as a failing on my part. It took me a long time, coupled with hindsight, to realise that I hadn’t failed in my life, but rather that the circumstance of my life had failed me. I started my blog to bring hope to those currently suffering from the debilitating effects of depression that there is light at the end of what may seem like an unending tunnel!


11 thoughts on “K Is For Kindness Towards Yourself!

  1. Being new to WordPress your post is the first I have read and I can’t tell you how much this has meant to me, Thank you.

    Posted by tofitrightin | May 18, 2013, 9:05 PM
  2. Thank you so much for this. Have you been peeping in my thoughts?

    Posted by Hope | May 18, 2013, 11:37 PM
  3. WOW! I love your boldness in talking about your journey through depression. Do you ever worry or find that your candidness interferes with other aspects of your life, such as employment/job searches? Thank you for being courageous.

    Posted by D | May 19, 2013, 12:48 AM
    • Hi D, I’m not worried at all, as I’ve always been very upfront about my depression. My employers and work colleagues know, my friends and family knows, my bank manager knows, all my neighbours know even my landlord knows. I have never felt stigmatised or discriminated against because of it, but through my blog I have met many people who have and this has only encouraged me to continue blogging!

      Posted by D.J. Haswell | May 19, 2013, 1:01 AM
      • That is encouraging to hear. I have peaked my head out a few times to mention my experience with the illness, but there is always a glimmer of fear when I do. Yet, sharing the experience, I have found, is not only liberating for me, but helpful for others. Thank you for how you are leading the way, it fuels me (and I am sure others) with greater courage to be transparent.

        Posted by D | May 19, 2013, 1:06 AM

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